Trapped inside the body of an artiodaktil, the World’s Greatest Superstar, Mithridates the Magnificent, is destined to take part in one of history’s most famous and revered journeys—a quest with no less an undertaking than to follow the blazing star which has recently appeared in the sky, and to search for the new king sent to bring truth and justice unto the world.
Presently stuck in the dust of a shabby town beneath the battered columns of a ruined city; irritated and ostracised by his benighted fellow artios; constantly humiliated by his swisher Matt; overlooked by the local stargazers, and contemptuous of the trio of orphans who dwell with them— how long will it be before Mithridates intuits the true message of the star?
How long before, in the cause of throwing off his obscurity and gaining the global recognition he so justly deserves, he opts to persuade the others to help him in his pursuit of truth and justice, fame and fortune?
If you yearn to feel ‘what life was really like’ for our indomitable forebears—
If you mourn the dearth of contemporaneous detail that mars so many of our ancient texts—
If you’d love to be privy to the most intimate of two-thousand-year-old conversations or overwhelmed by the resonances of long-lost oratory—
—then you surely will embrace the opportunity to pass through the portal proffered by this book and emerge into the authentic milieu of Parsa, hosted by that most articulate of figures, Mithridates himself, whose adventurous personal and public life, and that of those around him, will unfold in real time bit by bit as you turn.
• We have been pledged not to delete or bowdlerise any discourse after it has been filtered into text by the power of the essence of the shif-labeb flower.
Consequently, if potentially upsetting events, or speech presently banned in our schools, occur on the journey, they will appear exactly as they have been transmuted.
Warning: If you are easily upset by accounts of bullying, cruelty, rebellion, and attempted ritual self-sacrifice; or disturbed by exhortations to kill, the mockery of disability, discussions and disputes about religion, ageism, snobbery, cowardice, impiety, egotism, or expressions such as ‘bitch’, ‘stupid’, ‘fat gnat’, and ‘you skiving, wutless wasteman’, do not attempt to read this book.
But please be reassured: nice things will also happen.
Those hoping to learn more about the ‘Three Kings of Orient’ should turn aside to consult the many works of fiction on the subject.